An open letter to a late friend…

 

Death, what does it mean? Does that mean someone we loved and cared for is no longer with us? Does it really mean that our loved ones just will never be with us anymore… forever? What does death mean? I believe that it means a great variety of things to each one of us, for so many different reasons, religious beliefs, personal reasons and experiences and just plain and simply because of the nature of the reality that it is. But ultimately what should we take from death, how should one react to it, how does one cope?

There are no right answer, there is no right or wrong way to do this, to cope. It is hurtful, it is messy, that gut wrenching feeling of the thought of someone you cared for deeply not being there any longer in living flesh is just devastating and forever hurtful. I think of you so much my dear friend. Of our conversations about life, events and ourselves and the things we’d both been through in life. I can truly say that I have never met anyone in my life to whom you can give your best smile to and they can rip right through it and read your soul. I believe that is what I will miss the most about you. Your bare honesty and deep desire to sooth people’s hurt.

I came to you so young, and although it took some time for us to really get to know one another, I genuinely believe you became good friends. Not mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, just good friends who could see one another for people, people who’ve lived and lived hard lives, unapologetically, who had bared intense hurt and pain in life just as much as great joyful life changing moments. Women who loved their family and would do anything for them.

My friends that is how I want to remember you, a person with grit, strength and a great sense of pride that I had never before seen in a man or woman. You we’re truly a rock! A rock to your family, to your children and grandchildren and I feel honored to say that you were there for me too.

You grace, your sprit… so full of life! You we’re contagious, being around made me feel stronger and better. It’s what I will miss the most about you my dear friend. And although different people will see and define this weeks events of your passing in so many different ways, I see you Maria. I know that you will never leave your children and family, I know your spirit will continue to guide us and protect us all the more.

I love you, I grew to love and respect you like I would have never imagined, your grace was and to me will continue to be unimaginable beautiful. They just plain and simply don’t make them like you anymore. I hope that I can learn from your life lived, many things. Bust mostly I hope that I can be half the mother, friend, and person that you were and will always be to me. That will be how I will cope and how I will define you, the memory of a woman such as you that would not want me to be weak, but rather strong. That as you and I conversed and discussed one time after the other, one must believe! And you make me believe my friend, believe you are not gone in spirit and that you will always be here for your husband, children, grandchildren and your Anne! I know you did it your way and it’s making you smile down on us from the heavens.

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